** This is not the droid you are looking for
** Child Molesters Hot line! You steal 'em, we feel 'em
* No one sees the wizard!
* Hello, Billie-Jo speaking! Do you have an appointment
* (in a creepy old fashioned horror movie voice when the butler answers the door) Yessssss?
* May I helpeth thee
* GOODBYE!
* He/She isn't available... he's/she's in a... um, better place
* When they say who they're looking for, cry hysterically and scream "You just HAD to bring up that heart breaker now DIDN'T YOU"
* the person you are looking for is not I nor is that person here
* They aren't here, and even if they were you couldn't talk to them
* No! May I take a..... (hang up)
**= from another source
***FROM http://800notes.com/forum/ta-1eb1f9ebd1935ac/do-you-like-messing-with-telemarketers ***
** You just woke up the kids!!!
** What's your phone number so I can call you at a time that's only convenient for ME!
** Answer "SURE!" enthusiastically to EVERYTHING they ask. No matter WHAT!
** find online the sound of when you call someone who's phone is disconnected, you know, the one that goes "This number has been disconnected......" and when they call play it for them
** There is always the Tom Mabe classic. Answer the call and let them get several seconds into their load of crap. Then press one of the number keys to make a tone. Tell them it is your call waiting. Start talking like you are talking to someone else. Something like: "Hey Jim, ahh nothing much. Just got this dumb ass telemarketer on the other line. This one sounds dumber than usual, too". Of course, the dumb ass telemarketer is still on the line. Though usually not for long.
** answer professionally "CITY MORGUE"
from
http://funwithtelemarketers.com/telemarketer-fun.php?category=Annoy
** Repeat what they say. Keep repeating them until they ask you to stop, when they ask why. Reply that you are training to be a telemarketer.
** When you know that is it a telemarketer, start reciting Row Row Row Your Boat....if they don't interrupt, then (when your done) say "this is a recording, and if you hang up I'll press redial, and start all over again."
If they interrupt, say furiously "Excuse me!, but I'm trying to sing here!!!!" sing louder and slower until they hang up.
If they listen to the whole song the first time say, "You're the only one who hasn't fallen asleep yet, so I'll sing it again for you."
** While talking, drop ice cubes in the toilet and keep the conversation going as long as possible. Ask questions like as if you are really interested in the product, then flush the toilet and say I'm sorry but I'm not really interested, thanks anyways...
** Respond "Shhhh!!! (name they ask for) is sleeping, your too loud please be quiet" After they quiet down, say again "You're still too loud!" do this until they get to a very quiet whisper and then scream "I'M SORRY I CANT HEAR YOU, YOUR TOO QUIET!!!"
** When you answer, stick the phone in the microwave(don't turn it on) This way they can hear themselves and find out how ridiculous they sound.
** Didn't your parents ever teach you not to talk to strangers?
** "I'm sorry. The person you have asked for has currently been eaten by a bear." If they laugh tell them "It isn't funny, it was very tragic". If they're like oh, I'm sorry. say, "yes it was very tragic..."
** When getting a call from a credit card company, tell them you are allergic to plastic and you break out in a rash whenever you touch or come near it. Say "I have to carry a syringe with me whenever I go out," ask if they can issue you a metal card like Visa did for you.
** Sigh in relief and inform the telemarketer that you've just maxed out your other 10 credit cards and still need a new liver.
** When they say "I would like to introduce our new student/low interest/platinum card" respond with "Hello student card, my name is So-and-so, nice to meet you."
** Telemarketer: I'd like to offer you a great long distance plan...yada yada...
You: Really? Well at present time, I'm getting free long distance!
Telemarketer: How's that?
You: I'm screwing a guy/girl that works at sprint/MCI/ATT (whatever they don't represent) So, tell me more about... this plan... and what can you offer me... and what could I. do. for. you.
** If they are selling long distance just keep saying hello?..hello?....hello?....darn this (whatever long distance company they are from), service isn't worth a hoot.
** Tell them "Currently, anything past Saturn gets a little fuzzy can you do better?"
